Multiple times a day, every fucking day. And I die a little inside each time. But then I stop and realize, I have all my limbs; that function. I have all my senses. Functioning and healthy organs. I’m not morbidly obese. I’m healthy. In some sense. I’m lucky that I didn’t undergo…
well early morning calls :) haha. today god has blessed me wit two unexpected phone calls. the first was from my friend Kimi, it kinda expected cuz she told me haha and we talk alllll the time. haha i tried to call my broski but foolio didn’t pick up. although later on i got a phone call from my bes Mona, who finally got her phone again.
it was nice, catching up and all. i wanna see asap!
I choose the girl I want to fall for, not anyone else.
Honestly, I don´t reply right away to AIMs, texts, messages, etc. because I´m lazy as fuck. I guess you could call me an asshole like that. If you see me constantly talking to you, and for me to be waiting for your reply, you’re something special to me.
There’s countless things I could say about myself that are all my downfalls. You don’t know how many things i would like to change about myself that I can’t. I’m forever stuck with them. I always am wondering who would fall in love with someone like me? Someone that actually knows me and has seen…
i don’t think you’re forever stuck with them. theres ALWAYS room for improvement.
So i think i’m pretty messed up . i don’t think i’m drunk :) haha . haha my head is really spinning .
sooo i’m watching new moon for the first time :) haha . he’s about to transform !! haha . whatever . the two people i’ve contacted have stopped talking to me . eeeeeeh my eye hurts now haha goneee
You know what hurts is when someone can slip away from your hands in an instant. Friendships, Boyfriends/girlfriends. It hurts just being so close to someone and giving them your all and then they leave and what, you are left with nothing. You told your secretes, you shared your dreams, you…
i agree. nowadays i try not to care, because caring will only lead to longing. and longing will only lead to suffering.
DAY 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
there’s not a single person in this world that i hate; not even hate, just dislike or annoyed with. the only person that i’m fed up with is me.
i’m disappointed in myself. i’m saddened with myself. i’m annoyed with myself. i’ve caused the most pain to me.
i’m all of these because i’m not the person i wanted to be. i’m not the person i imagined i’d be. i wish i could’ve been more confident. not that i’m not, but more so than i am. i wish i was more talented, not that i’m not, but better than i am now.
i just had higher expectations with myself i guess. buuuuut, that doesn’t mean i can’t improve myself. i’m only 17 and i have a long life ahead of me. soo imma do my best to become much better.
DAY 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
eeey shay :] i’ve missed you so much. i wish we could talk more often. it’s definitely not cuz you live all the way in washington. i believe it’s because we don’t put in the time and effort to support it. we’re bestfriends, you’re my main, but i wish i talked to you more often. i guess half is my fault for not trying.
sorry. i’ll try harder. i’ll call you sometime this week. we have a lot of catching up to do.
I’ve already come to terms that no matter how much effort you put in someone, they can turn their backs on you. I mean people say it’s hard to leave, but when you’re in a relationship, in any kind, when it’s unrequited. It’s never hard for things to fall apart. It doesn’t take a mutual agreement to end things. You can want things to go on forever, no matter how hard it is, but once that decision to leave is made. Things just will never be the same.